A Walk in the Garden

Tomorrow we will be laying my grandmother to rest. It's been a difficult week but the healing has begun and it has been therapeutic to be around family. Tonight was her visitation/viewing and I never like those. There were so many beautiful flowers and plants from her friends and family. She would have been so pleased.

While cleaning out her home earlier this week, we stumbled across this photo of her being silly and I have fallen in love with it. This is the spirit my grandmother always had and the one that has been passed down to me.

God bless her always as she walks in the garden with her Savior.

Until We Meet Again

Grandma
I will miss you every day since you left.
I will miss you with every breath that I take.
I will miss you every holiday, birthday and celebration.
I will miss your kisses. My God how I'll miss your kisses.
I will miss your hugs, how you squeezed my hand and how you winked at me.
I will miss playing cards with you.
I will miss watching you love on my son, read to him and play balloons.
I will miss how you loved my husband, teased him and took care of him.
I will miss our morning coffee talks at your breakfast table in our pjs.
I will miss tending to your rose garden and watching you stop to smell the roses.
I will miss our phone calls, the way you always made me feel invincible.
I will miss your warmth, your giggles, your smiles and I will really miss your hands.
I will miss how your hands would feel on my face.
I will miss the smell of your perfume, the way you cooked your eggs, how you would tap your feet to music and how you could only ever sip your drinks.
I will miss your well groomed hair and the fact you couldn't go anywhere without your red lipstick.
I will miss sitting next to you in church and hearing you sing to God.
I will miss traveling with you to far off lands, adventuring into the world and sharing liquor filled chocolates.
I will miss your house, your cooking, the way your laundry smelled and how you'd wake up at 4 in the morning when we'd come to visit.
I will miss our walks together, how you always had cranberry juice and cheese puffs when we visited and how we'd enjoy our German wine.
I will miss our weekend trips, watching the Hitchcock version of the Birds and not being able to sleep.
I will miss taking ceramics class with you, your old 'special' colored mugs, Shasta Black Cherry soda and floats on summer nights,
I will miss going to plays with you and singing at Neil Diamond concerts.
I will miss cooking with you and trying to figure out what your 'dash' and 'pinch' really meant (wait...I'll still do that),
I will miss scrapbooking with you for hours at mom's house and sharing our finished products with each other.

Grandma - I will miss you in all that I do. But all that the world has lost, Heaven has gained. I can only imagine the celebration being held for you. I can only cry tears of joy when I think of how it must have felt to reunited with grandpa and the rest of your family and friends you've had to say goodbye to.

Thank you for telling me about the angels and that you saw Heaven. Thank you for all that you were, all that you've made me and all that you always will be. I will never say goodbye to you, grandma. I can't. But I will say until we meet again and I will see you again. Give grandpa and Jesus my love and enjoy grandma. You deserve it.

Prayers Needed

I am asking for prayers today as I just received a call from my mother regarding the status of my grandmother. The home hospice nurse says we are within hours now of Grandma leaving to be with Jesus. We know that Grandma is going to a wonderful place. We are just needing comfort and strength. We are blessed to be surrounded by the presence of God and to know we are not alone. We know that while our tears may be flowing, there will be a glorious reception for her in heaven.

I read a piece of hospice literature the other day and it shared a short story about a sailboat. It talked about us being on one shore and watching this majestic boat with her beautiful sails floating off into the horizon, getting further and further away, smaller and smaller. And though we morn not being able to see her beauty we must remember that on the other side of the horizon is a different shore and on that shore they are witnessing her coming closer and closer and celebrating her arrival.

Grandma will soon be with those she had to watch sail away. And they will be celebrating her arrival. So not all of our tears will be tears of sadness. It won't be long now until grandma is in the arms of God.

Walking Her Home

A friend of mine heard a song on the radio a couple months back and suggested a give it a listen. She said to be sure I'm not driving when I listen to it because it will cause tears. I pulled it up on iTunes and listened and indeed, was drawn instantly to tears. The song is Walking Her Home by Christian artist Mark Schultz.

It's a beautifully written montage to a couple deeply in love and as life does, it had run its course. It starts with a love story and the image of a young man walking his date home. It ends with an old man holding a dying woman; walking her home. See...emotional.

This is especially emotional to me. I feel in some ways as if I'm filling those walking shoes. Probably one of the most influential and adored persons in my life has been my grandmother. I could honestly write a book on all that makes her who she is and it would not even sniff and doing her justice. Simply - she's something else. But now, she's tired. She's a champion fighter whose on her last round and I know it. I hate it, I ache it, but I know it.

I'm still lucky enough to have her right now and unlike my grandfather's final days, she's in good memory and knows what's going on. She holds me son, my miracle, and it fills me with warmth. To see two of the most precious people in my life love each other as much as they do. Great grandson and Great grandma. My miracle and my hero. I'm blessed to know this, to recognize this and to embrace the moments for what they are. She's near, living with my parents, and we can spend these final days, weeks, months of her life with her. I know it's closer to the end of her time with us than I'd like and these days things seem, well, like the end.

As my heart is breaking from the inside out and my world seems to be fogged by impending grief, I take comfort in knowing that this is not the end for us. There are more days ahead; days with our Lord. I believe in a God so great and who transcends all understanding. I believe in the hope and love Jesus gave us, the grace that confirms to us that there is much more around the bend. I've read and heard the stories like everyone else about the encounters with heaven. I know there's more. I'm just sad...really sad. I'm selfish and I don't want her to go. I don't want to give her up. Not yet. Not ever.

But at the end of the day, I get on my knees and thank God that I have the opportunity and the chance, in my grandfather's absence, to be one of those lucky enough to be walking her home.


Walking Her Home - The funniest movie is here. Find it