Monday, April 26, 2010


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Photo by Alex (Click to view)

Life is good.  Even when its tough, there is still good, if we're brave enough to look for it.  I believe life's goodness comes from our Creator whose presence is everywhere and in all things, including you and me.  The love and grace of God surrounds us.  Can you feel it?

As I have welcomed spring and the changing of seasons, I've noticed God's presence surrounding me.  There are so many things that are changing these days.  I used to be a girl who loathed change and there are times when I still dread it.  Change is least welcome when we're happy and when we're comfortable.  This has certainly been the case for me.  Loosing someone you love is never wanted change.  Leaving or moving away from those you hold dear is also uncomfortable change.  Moments of starting over can be challenging change.  But, there are other types of change.  Like how your life changes when you fall in love.  How everything you once knew is suddenly different with the presence of a child.  Maybe its trusting in God and taking a leap of faith you didn't think you had the courage to take, just to find out there was an ocean of blessings on the other side.  Change can be good.

I spent some time in my garden this weekend.  I pruned back my rose and hydrangea bushes, set out a new hanging basked, potted new plants along my entry way and planted beautiful daisy's and petunias in the flower boxes around my trees.  How beautiful it is to sit inside of change.  Not long ago, the pots were empty and the bushes covered with snow.  The grass was brown and the trees bare.  But now the beauty of spring has blossomed and oh what a miraculous change.

Though my infertility often makes me feel like the cold brown branches of a winter tree, lifeless and forgotten, I know spring is right around the corner.  Hope is more than a word inscribed on a ring I wear every day, its the reason we keep fighting.  "Faith in things hoped for."  I have faith in things hoped for.  Yet, in the midst of that wintery struggle, there is a garden blooming.  I have received my first appointment.  Starting June 13th, I will be an associate pastor at a growing and exciting new church here in OK.  What a blessing this is for me and my family.  New life is blooming for us.  Things are changing and we're embracing the changes.  We can't wait to be a part of this church's life and to help nurture and grow the Kingdom of Heaven.

So as I go about my day singing "ch-ch-ch-ch-changes", I hope you'll think about your life and how God might be making changes and moving things around in order to help your garden bloom.  Sometimes there has to be a little pruning, but in the end, what happens is life giving.  Trust in God and embrace that with change comes great opportunity.  How might you grow closer to God and show God to others through the changing of seasons in your life?


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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Blessings on a Rainy Day

A gave myself a gift this morning.
Wrapped in a warm coat, I stepped outside to sit with nature.
I sat down on my grandma's patio chair that now sits on my front porch.
My cup of steaming tea danced with the cool, rain soaked air of the morning.
A book sat peacefully opened in my lap.

Suddenly I heard a voice encouraging me to be in the moment.
Eyes closed, hands folded.
When the cool air entered my lungs it was like a breath of heaven.
I could smell and taste the rain.
Nature was in me and I was in nature.

I could hear the song of birds from all around the neighborhood.
I could hear the rain tango with the earth; drops on the tree leaves, streams in the streets, trickling down the gutters, clapping against the roof.
A tender breeze moved my hair.
I was at peace in a moment of tranquility.
Nothing could find me there besides the God I seek.

The God of spring is washing away the winter.
The God of my heart is washing away my worries.
The love that is implanted in my soul finds nourishment in the tranquil waters.
The root of perseverence is strengthened by God's renewing synergy.
I am in nature and nature is in me.

A poem by Tiffany A. D'Amours

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Ding, Ding, Ding!

Round 2

The first round of fertility treatments didn't work. I'm disappointed but I remain hopeful.

Today I start round two. I know the average pregnancy on treatment happens around cycle 4. Ham was conceived on cycle 6. Though I understand that, I'm still praying to get pregnant sooner rather than later as the drugs and hormones are intense. I know Jesus is right here in this exam room with me. I can feel his love and presence. I'll one day be free of the challenges of infertility. Until then, I will trust and rest in the Lord.

I found this today and could not stop laughing.  It is sad how incredibly REAL this is.  Too bad there is no prayer included in this.  I think I would just give up if I didn't have my faith.  I would like to had pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray...each day.  Still worthy of sharing.

From 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
Typical Month of the Infertile
Negative pregnancy test.
Cry on toilet.
Cry in bed.
Cry at work in bathroom.
Day 3, fertility appointment.
Wonder if you should try having sex during your period.
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
Inspect toilet paper after wiping hourly.
Fight with partner about infertility.
Friend announces she’s pregnancy. Emotional breakdown.
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, (shooting blanks)
Two week wait.
Facebook friend posts a picture of her bump. Cry.
Baby shower invite. Cry about that.
Analyze for early pregnancy symptoms.
Google: “Right breast feels heavier than left breast. Am I Pregnant?”
Google: “Peeing a lot at night, IUI.”
Google: “Left nipple looks darker. Pregnancy?”
Google: “Metallic taste in mouth. Pregnant?”
Inspect toilet paper after wiping hourly.
Hope for implantation bleeding.
Test early or wait for period.
Mental breakdown.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I'm Having a Beagle Situation

I have a Beagle that is almost 1 year old that my son is madly in love with.  Beagle Boy is a member of our family and most days, we adore him. not that day.

The Beagle is driving me crazy.  He just barks and barks and barks and barks.  It doesn't matter how much food, water, toys, etc. I keep giving him...he won't stop barking.  The second we put him outside he starts barking.  I don't want to give him up, but the barking has GOT to stop.  Can anyone help?  Any ideas? 

You're desperate and grateful friend,

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Do you ever just stare at your post screen and wonder what it is exactly you should write?  I do.  Maybe you've noticed the lack of frequent posts lately, well, they are the result of this empty staring.  I seem to have so much on my mind and yet I'm not sure how any of it is really of any value to anyone else.  I suppose it could be, but just the same, I feel so distant from blogging.  For me, its become a combination of frustration with platform, too much to say and an uncertainty of what of it should actually be said, creativity, and frankly, a very busy personal schedule.  Needless-to-say, I have missed blogging and I hope to give myself the time and voice to get back into it.

If you've left me comments in the past month or so and I haven't responded, I'm deeply sorry.  I've been in my own head a bit, trying to keep things together and in the process, keep myself focused.  March marked the first month back to fertility treatments.  If you've ever experienced the carnival ride that is treating infertility, you'll know what I'm talking about.  Just exhausting.  As tiring as it is, I keep hoping that something wonderful will come of it soon and it will all be worth it.  I know God is present in this mess with me.  We started shots for the first time this month.  I haven't done those before, so that was a new experience, not bad, just new.  I should know by the middle of this week if I'm pregnant or not.  Here's to hoping.

In the meantime, I'm taking this week to reorganize, relax and reflect.  It's my spring break, if you can call it that, and I'm committed to making it valuable.  I hope to work on our financial budget, our calendars, a few upcoming assignments, spend time on my blog, listen to music, read some Jane Austen, watch a few films I've been wanting to see and just taking it easy.  Here's hoping I can execute my plan.  I also hope to take Ham to the zoo this week...a little surprise from mom.  I think sometimes I want so bad to be supermom/superwife/superwoman, that I put too much stress on myself.  Ever do that?  Ugh.  I wonder if I'll ever learn to go easy on myself.  Here's to hoping.'m just journaling today, but I'll be back tomorrow, or later, with something of substance.  Thanks all for reading and I promise to get better at responding to comments.  Wishing you all much joy in your coming week.

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