A friend of mine heard a song on the radio a couple months back and suggested a give it a listen. She said to be sure I'm not driving when I listen to it because it will cause tears. I pulled it up on iTunes and listened and indeed, was drawn instantly to tears. The song is Walking Her Home by Christian artist Mark Schultz.
It's a beautifully written montage to a couple deeply in love and as life does, it had run its course. It starts with a love story and the image of a young man walking his date home. It ends with an old man holding a dying woman; walking her home. See...emotional.
This is especially emotional to me. I feel in some ways as if I'm filling those walking shoes. Probably one of the most influential and adored persons in my life has been my grandmother. I could honestly write a book on all that makes her who she is and it would not even sniff and doing her justice. Simply - she's something else. But now, she's tired. She's a champion fighter whose on her last round and I know it. I hate it, I ache it, but I know it.
I'm still lucky enough to have her right now and unlike my grandfather's final days, she's in good memory and knows what's going on. She holds me son, my miracle, and it fills me with warmth. To see two of the most precious people in my life love each other as much as they do. Great grandson and Great grandma. My miracle and my hero. I'm blessed to know this, to recognize this and to embrace the moments for what they are. She's near, living with my parents, and we can spend these final days, weeks, months of her life with her. I know it's closer to the end of her time with us than I'd like and these days things seem, well, like the end.
As my heart is breaking from the inside out and my world seems to be fogged by impending grief, I take comfort in knowing that this is not the end for us. There are more days ahead; days with our Lord. I believe in a God so great and who transcends all understanding. I believe in the hope and love Jesus gave us, the grace that confirms to us that there is much more around the bend. I've read and heard the stories like everyone else about the encounters with heaven. I know there's more. I'm just sad...really sad. I'm selfish and I don't want her to go. I don't want to give her up. Not yet. Not ever.
But at the end of the day, I get on my knees and thank God that I have the opportunity and the chance, in my grandfather's absence, to be one of those lucky enough to be walking her home.
Walking Her Home - The funniest movie is here. Find it