Monday, March 2, 2009

Walking Her Home

A friend of mine heard a song on the radio a couple months back and suggested a give it a listen. She said to be sure I'm not driving when I listen to it because it will cause tears. I pulled it up on iTunes and listened and indeed, was drawn instantly to tears. The song is Walking Her Home by Christian artist Mark Schultz.

It's a beautifully written montage to a couple deeply in love and as life does, it had run its course. It starts with a love story and the image of a young man walking his date home. It ends with an old man holding a dying woman; walking her home. See...emotional.

This is especially emotional to me. I feel in some ways as if I'm filling those walking shoes. Probably one of the most influential and adored persons in my life has been my grandmother. I could honestly write a book on all that makes her who she is and it would not even sniff and doing her justice. Simply - she's something else. But now, she's tired. She's a champion fighter whose on her last round and I know it. I hate it, I ache it, but I know it.

I'm still lucky enough to have her right now and unlike my grandfather's final days, she's in good memory and knows what's going on. She holds me son, my miracle, and it fills me with warmth. To see two of the most precious people in my life love each other as much as they do. Great grandson and Great grandma. My miracle and my hero. I'm blessed to know this, to recognize this and to embrace the moments for what they are. She's near, living with my parents, and we can spend these final days, weeks, months of her life with her. I know it's closer to the end of her time with us than I'd like and these days things seem, well, like the end.

As my heart is breaking from the inside out and my world seems to be fogged by impending grief, I take comfort in knowing that this is not the end for us. There are more days ahead; days with our Lord. I believe in a God so great and who transcends all understanding. I believe in the hope and love Jesus gave us, the grace that confirms to us that there is much more around the bend. I've read and heard the stories like everyone else about the encounters with heaven. I know there's more. I'm just sad...really sad. I'm selfish and I don't want her to go. I don't want to give her up. Not yet. Not ever.

But at the end of the day, I get on my knees and thank God that I have the opportunity and the chance, in my grandfather's absence, to be one of those lucky enough to be walking her home.


Walking Her Home - The funniest movie is here. Find it

7 comments:

Heather Nicole said...

WOAM - I am so sorry to hear that your grandmother is not doing well. I can absolutly relate - my grandmother is in the NICU as we speak. I will keep your family in my prayers.

As for the song - I am at work. Crying in my cubicle would not be a good way to start my morning so I will check it out later :)

David Richardson said...

Touching!

I recently told our church at a funeral service, "Death is not the end...it is simply the door through which we step into the perfect, eternal presence of God."

Once again, your blog is a great read. :)

friedmsw said...

You have a special gift. Not only the time that you have right now with your grandmother, also the ability that you have to share it with others. Cherish the gift that you have in walking your grandmother home. Just know that there will come a point along the road that you will need to let her go. God will be waiting for her!

Woman on a Mission said...

Thank you all for you kind comments and your comforting support. HN - I will be praying for your grandmother too.

DR - My grandpa, who is no longer with us, lived 12 hours away when I was a kid. Him and grandma vowed to be active fixtures in our lives, so they traveled to see us often. It was heart breaking for me every time they left. He would always come to me before getting in the car, wipe my tears and tell me "it's not goodbye. It's until we meet again." At his funeral, I shared these words in the service. I really believe that when we are confronted with death, that it is not goodbye. I don't think we can fully believe in the life of Christ, the way he died and certainly the way he was resurrected if we believe it's goodbye. Christ promised it wasn't goodbye. It's just until we meet again.

I never once doubted that I would see my grandparents again when they pulled out of the driveway. I'm not going to start doubting now. I would do a great injustice to my inner 7 year old.

Nitewrit said...

W.O.A.M.,

Beautiful, but you have me crying to start my day.

Remember, it is all right to feel sadness. When I was a boy, my grandfather was closer to me than my dad. he died when I was 15. There is a song called "Desperadoes Waiting for a Train" (it is far from being a Christian song), but I cry when ever I hear it because its tale of a young man's love and admiration for an old man now 'waiting for that train", flawed as he is reminds me so much of my grandfather I can't hold back.

It is an honor to someone when we grieve within for them.

Larry E.

Terri Tiffany said...

Your story touched me! What I love most is your love for your grandma. I worry as I age, that my life will be meaningless to those younger around me, like my grandson etc. and your story offers hope from both sides! Bless you as you are there for her and are blessing her with your love.

summernicole said...

Spending time with your Grandmother I kept thinking to myself "so this is what my best friend will be like when she is old!" She is so much like you and I know letting her go is going to the hardest thing you have ever done. It's hard when physical life here on earth comes to an end, it's a hard concept for all of us to grasp.

We both know she is going on to an amazing place but the selfish part of us isn't ready for that to happen. Yes, you will see her again but it seems like that time could be such a long way off.

My Grandfather died when I was in 8th grade and I STILL cry when I think of him, the sun rose and set with him, he was my everything, I thought the world had come to an end when he passed on. I think of him often and know he is watching over me and think of how his laugh must bring so much joy to those who surround him in heaven. I've never stopped missing him with all my heart, him and I were two peas in a pod.

Sometimes I think our grandparents are part of our soul, there's a love there that cannot be described and an unspoken understanding of one another. I feel so lucky to have had such an amazing grandfather who helped shaped me into who I am and for whom I had a never ending love for, not everyone is so lucky.

It's going to be hard to let go hun, there's nothing anyone can say or do that is going to make that easier. We are comforted knowing that we believe in a much greater place but you will never stop missing her. Know that you are so fortunate to have had her in your life and continue to live your life in a way that would make your grandmother proud. Until she goes continue to remind her of how much you love and admire her.

I was listening to the song "On Eagles Wings" over the weekend and thought of you and your grandmother, she will be soaring like an eagle, free of everything here on earth. God will protect her and let her fly into his arms as she goes. She will leave you with enough love to get you through until you see her again but that doesn't mean you won't miss her like crazy.

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