Sunday, November 23, 2008

Assault by a Deadly Glue Gun

I'm a scrapbooker. I absolutely love it when I can find the time to sit down and dig into it. Aside from scrapbooking, I'm craft stunted. Though I sometimes wish I were, I'm not the mom who can make a craft out of anything and make it so well people want to buy it at the church bizarre. No, I'm the lady who scares children because her stick figures are so, well, unsticky.

The Advent Festival for our church is tonight and I was put in charge. A daunting task, but I love a challenge. So, like any crazy fool would do, I offered my services. Little did I know when I said "sure" that the event would involve a glue gun.

Any time there is a glue gun involved, paramedics must be standing by. In fact, the whole idea of a glue gun gives me heart palpitations. Me and the glue gun, well, we have a sorted past. It wasn't pretty and it didn't end well. I loved that glue gun. We did everything together. We put mugs back in one piece, attached wallpaper (don't ask), married pennies to the bottom of Hershey kisses (not a good idea once I realized the blazing hot glue would melt the chocolate), we ran through fields singing and swirling among daises. It was love and we knew it.

Then, one day, glue gun turned on me. I didn't know what was coming and I wasn't prepared for the betrayal. All these years of love and the glue gun lost it...really. It malfunctioned, as most relationships tend to do from time to time, and I, I was the victim. I thought it was meant to be, me and the glue gun. I was excited to plug it in, sit down beside it with over 500 Popsicle sticks and prepare to make star ornaments for the church children.

With gun in hand, we glued like a mad person at Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving. Madness I say. We were making one ornament after another. Things were beautiful. But then, then the glue just kept coming out. I couldn't stop it. It was like molten lava. And I, like the beautiful moron I was, put my hand out to catch the glue. Look, I did say I was a moron. I don't know what I was thinking, but the results were tragic. Well, extremely painful none the less.

Ever had glue gun induced burns and blisters? Like I said, I was assaulted by my glue gun and it was so painful that I think this gun should come not just with warning labels, which I guess it does but one would have to read them or just have common sense. But, it should also come with like a "gluers safety course" before one can go to the local Hobby Lobby and purchase a license to use it. I would also not be opposed to background checks prior to the purchase of a glue gun. In the wrong hands, this little bugger could wipe out and obliterate moron mommas everywhere. We must protect ourselves from this vile tool of craft violence.

Wish me luck with the Advent Festival tonight. I'm hoping it all goes off well. We are making Advent Calendars, decorating the Popsicle ornaments I slaved over and much more. I can't wait to put my head against the pillow tonight and have this all behind me...successfully of course, sans the injuries. ;-) Happy Sunday!

10 comments:

Becky said...

oh...I never liked glue guns because they always burned me.....

BlueRidge Boomer said...

Good Luck!!!My glue gun is soooo old and worn out that it crys everytime i take it out of the box......I've learned it helps to have a bowl of ice handy......for finger dipping..............

Gayle said...

I feel your pain. (I too have been assaulted by a glue gun). I would vote for mandatory safety course before you could purchase one.

Jami said...

Just wanted to say thank you for the words of encouragement!!

a corgi said...

cute entry; I'm sure it is going well and you are having a delightful time helping others enjoy the festival, glue gun and all

betty

friedmsw said...

I LOVE your talent for writing! You are not the only one that somethng like this could happen to.

jeleasure said...

W.O.A.M.,
I realize this is not a topic you are covering on your blog. However, I feel we Christians have a responsibility to live in peace and to promote peace.

Obama's born Conspiracy
The link above will take you to a blog from one of the analyst who determined Barak Obama's Certificate of Live Birth to be a forged copy. The blog will tell you exactly what he did to discover the fraud and display the evidence. It took me nearly two hours to get through this.
Give credit to Christine of Talk Wisdom for sending this on to me.
I believe if you ask your readers to take this link, and distribute it to as many people as they possibly can, we may be able to avoid a race war which the mainstream media is setting us up for by not reporting the story as it unfolds. What we can do is soften the shock and ease anger before the possibility of The Supreme Court of the United States announcing they will try the case. The SCOTUS is schedualed to meet December 5 in a closed door hearing to determin if the court will try the case.

Francois said...

he he he! That was very funny! Loved the "moron mommas" chirp...

and good luck (albeit a bit late)

David Richardson said...

Ouch! I've had that happen once, and I can definitely sympathize with you on this. It is painful. Better luck next time, my friend.

freddie said...

I do hope everything went well!
I hate glue gun, I did burn my finger last Christmas...
take care and God bless you
br.freddie

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