I'm a scrapbooker. I absolutely love it when I can find the time to sit down and dig into it. Aside from scrapbooking, I'm craft stunted. Though I sometimes wish I were, I'm not the mom who can make a craft out of anything and make it so well people want to buy it at the church bizarre. No, I'm the lady who scares children because her stick figures are so, well, unsticky.
The Advent Festival for our church is tonight and I was put in charge. A daunting task, but I love a challenge. So, like any crazy fool would do, I offered my services. Little did I know when I said "sure" that the event would involve a glue gun.
Any time there is a glue gun involved, paramedics must be standing by. In fact, the whole idea of a glue gun gives me heart palpitations. Me and the glue gun, well, we have a sorted past. It wasn't pretty and it didn't end well. I loved that glue gun. We did everything together. We put mugs back in one piece, attached wallpaper (don't ask), married pennies to the bottom of Hershey kisses (not a good idea once I realized the blazing hot glue would melt the chocolate), we ran through fields singing and swirling among daises. It was love and we knew it.
Then, one day, glue gun turned on me. I didn't know what was coming and I wasn't prepared for the betrayal. All these years of love and the glue gun lost it...really. It malfunctioned, as most relationships tend to do from time to time, and I, I was the victim. I thought it was meant to be, me and the glue gun. I was excited to plug it in, sit down beside it with over 500 Popsicle sticks and prepare to make star ornaments for the church children.
With gun in hand, we glued like a mad person at Wal-Mart on the day after Thanksgiving. Madness I say. We were making one ornament after another. Things were beautiful. But then, then the glue just kept coming out. I couldn't stop it. It was like molten lava. And I, like the beautiful moron I was, put my hand out to catch the glue. Look, I did say I was a moron. I don't know what I was thinking, but the results were tragic. Well, extremely painful none the less.
Ever had glue gun induced burns and blisters? Like I said, I was assaulted by my glue gun and it was so painful that I think this gun should come not just with warning labels, which I guess it does but one would have to read them or just have common sense. But, it should also come with like a "gluers safety course" before one can go to the local Hobby Lobby and purchase a license to use it. I would also not be opposed to background checks prior to the purchase of a glue gun. In the wrong hands, this little bugger could wipe out and obliterate moron mommas everywhere. We must protect ourselves from this vile tool of craft violence.
Wish me luck with the Advent Festival tonight. I'm hoping it all goes off well. We are making Advent Calendars, decorating the Popsicle ornaments I slaved over and much more. I can't wait to put my head against the pillow tonight and have this all behind me...successfully of course, sans the injuries. ;-) Happy Sunday!