Patience. One word with which I have a love/hate relationship.
I've always been a 90 to nothin' kinda gal. I typically have multiple coals in the fire and all of them burning at the same time. I try to do as much as I can, efficiently as I can. I keep my calendar full and my 'to do lists' handy. So one can only imagine the utter frustration I feel when something comes a long that I can't just accomplish. Cook dinner - check. Wash child - check. Get pregnant - um...nothing. You see, there are those things you can manage to accomplish, and then there are those things that you may want with all of your heart and try with every ounce of your being to accomplish, but still end up empty handed. There are days when the wave is there just in time for you to catch it and other days when nothing is breaking.
There was a moment in my life that I will never, ever forget. In fact, I remember it so well that I can tell you what the room smelled liked, what I was wearing, where I was, what it looked like outside...the day I prayed God would help me be patient. I know...I can hear your gasps already. Why would you ever ask God to teach you that? Yikes! Had I known then what I was really getting into by asking God that, I might have carefully re-worded my prayer request. You see, I remember that moment so well because from that moment almost 11 years ago, I have been being taught quite clearly what it means to have patience.
As frustrating as being patient is to me, I can see God's presence in my moments of waiting. For three years hubs and I tried to have a baby before we were finally blessed with our miracle baby. Though those were the most painful years I can remember, I can see now the things I learned in my waiting. Now that we are trying again and will have been trying for two years come January, I realize once again I'm needing to be patient.
Today, I want to lift up a thanks to my Lord for being so lovingly patient with me. I know how stubborn and fleshly I can be. I know how utterly frustrating I must be to God sometimes, and yet, God loves me more than anyone else and is patient with me. If God can be that patient with me, I suppose I can be patient with Him. And when I am thankful in my waiting on the Lord, the rewards are that much sweeter. I love my child so deeply and I've never taken him for granted, maybe due to the sacrifices and suffering I endured to get him here. Likewise, today I felt the presence of the Lord surround me with His love and confirm me. I've been walking through the ministry candidacy process for my church for two years now. I've been seeking to be certified. I've watched friends, classmates and colleagues all be confirmed and recommended as I sat back wondering why it wasn't happening for me. I questioned my call, wondered what I had done wrong. But God, God took that time to work in me and on me. I'm much stronger of a woman today than I have been; certainly much stronger in my relationship with Christ. Today, after meeting with the District Committee on Ministry, I was finally recommended and certified. I had to be very patient in this process, but today, it felt like it was all worth it.
This just goes to show how important the lesson of patience is. Patience with ourselves, those we love, with God...all vital to our spiritual health. Today I'm thankful for patience. I'm thankful that I can now, though not perfectly, stop and just allow things to happen as they are supposed to. I'm thankful for answered prayers, even when they don't get answered on my time table. I'm thankful in my waiting.